Some Myths Refuse to Die

It is I, your trusty Host, who is by nature one strap and buckle short of a full straight jacket

We're not going to talk about Jesus today.  We may get back to kicking that melon down the road a little more soon, but today we are going to talk about that other legond - - Howard Richards  But we're going to do it a little different this time because I'm going to take myself entirely out of the picture, since none of the songs that refer to Howard, also refer to me.  There are a couple of Eagles songs that are about me and we'll cover them at the end.  My goal is kind of like a "The Bible as litriture" kind of class.

First of all there is the matter of Howard's age.  He wasn't anybody born March 30th 1948.  In fact I don't even know that he was an Aries, since his birthday is never mentioned in the mythology.   The first thing in the myth is that he played trumpet in the school band playing 'Purple Carnival".   This may be the "Carnival" mentioned in Desolation Row.  "Southern California Purples" is Chicago's contribution.  At some point Howard Richards was in prison but somehow broke out of jail before he served out his term.  This is referred to in "Band on the Run" and in "Bob Dylan's 115th Dream" and two new entries that I, even with my omnipotent knowledge somehow missed,  "Jail Break" by Thin Lizzy, and also "Jail Break" by AC DC, which normally isn't on an American release.  (But I've heard and I think I recorded it)  Howard lived "somewhere in the Midwest' and probbly Chicago, but we're not positive.  We do "know" he died there.  Somehow he got the idea of coming to Southern California.  Here we have "Promised Land" by Springsteen, and probably "Hitch Hike" (by the Rolling Stones, if you please)  We aren't sure but we think this Howard didn't turn eighteen till 1974, which means he was born in 1956, or the year of the Monkey.  Myth has it that one of his first encounters with Robin- - was at Pete Richard's wedding.  But there is no reference to my being there, which I was.  Again, I don't exist.  I've been instructed to omit any reference to the fourth of July barbecue at "Kerry and Gay's" house- - as some jokers on Sirius A say.   Howard had a motorcycle, as evidenced by the song "Hellon Wheels".  He got the nickname of Sailor Sam - - after the reference on two Mc Cartney songs and also on Bob Dylan's 115th Dream.  This song would suggest that his jail time was done out here rather than back in the Midwest.  And for a time Howard was employed as an inturn or something working for a rock band "Underassisted West Coast Promo Man".  This song had the allusion that Howard was still rather poor.  Howard and Robin began a major romance and liked to drive a lot.  It is suggested they drove to Santa Cruz to the pike amusement park up there- - along the ocean, and that Howard was fond of pinball arcades  "Tombstone Blues"   And Zachery was conveived as their mad romance continued.  "Those Hollywood Nights" by Seeger and "Candy's House' and "Prove it all night" by Springsteen.  Zachery was conceived on a new moon just before sunrise "Brain Damage" and "Ol' 55"  - - later on Robin got a dog named Toby - - apparently in a rainy day at the shelter.  Howard and Robin used to like to run along the beach and also run with the dog "Born to Run" Springsteen.  Robin herself was kind of a former straight laced Christian from a restrictive school, but underwent a makeover, even to the point of using drugs "Life in the Fast Lane".   You can slip "New Kid in Town' in there somewhere.  Since we have no dates Howard's life did not necessarily end on December 30th 1975.  As to how the thing ended it's generally assumed that he dumped her because if his fiancee back home found out what he was doing he'd have Hell to pay.  "Brighton Rock".   Also "Victim of Love" and "Lying Eyes" allude to the fact that he's the one who broke it off.  And once again he hitchhikes to Chicago as in "Ride On" by AC DC. and also "When the Levy Breaks" and a song called "Going to Chicago".   At some point Howard got a car but was ambushed by gunshots.  "Shots" by Neil Young.  Also the song "Surfer Joe' on that same album, "He caught the big one and let it go" refers to his big chance at Romance.  "Desperado" also figured in here too messing with the wrong card, alias Woman.  The whole jealousy factor with the fiancee yields yet a new song I never suspected as a clue.  "The Wind Cries Mary".  They say his wife- - along with his sister- - was named Mary (from Madison)  There is the illusion to "Cinderela sweeping up on Desolation Row" and a similar reference to "The Wind Cries Mary".  The broken pieces of yesterday's life. 

But there are a few pieces that don't quite fit that are part of the Howard legond.  "Secret Agent Man" is said to be about Howard- - and also that he drove an Astin Martin like James Bond.  Also we don't know whether "Day Tripper" refers to Howard and Robin, or more likely, Pete and Robin.  That's a whole road we're not driving today.  "Drive My Car" makes reference to "Having no car".  The two songs that are about "Muah" are "On the Border" and "Good Day in Hell".  Actually "Hell" refers to the iffy relationship I had with Laura before we were married back in late 80 and early 81.  But then we have the idea of Howard being Latino.  It's assumed that just because Roger Shepherd was Latino then Howard had to be.  The Sirius A people say "not necessarily".  So I asked my Romulan friends what "Spanish" or "Spaniard" or any word like that meant in Romulan.  They came up with "span", which is pronounced "spawn".   "span" is third person singular, and they point out that it's an "irregular verb" and they gave me a whole lot of verb congegations I won't bore you with.  The word "Span" as kind of a non cognate- - means "to meat out" or to "to measure out" or "to allocate".  That definition didn't do it for me.  As you know there is that Adam in the Ants song "See the Spaniard eating chocolates".  That could very well refer to me.  Also "A Spaniard in the Works" just might refer to - - - you never know.  Someone had said that "I bet there is another meaning of the word Spaniard, and could I possibly be one".   Then we come to the Basque definition.  Thank you, Jim Cooper.  The BOSC came through for me.  People talk about the unusualness of the Basque language.  In that language "Spain" or the like means "On the Border".   There's a Paul Mc Cartney song called "Dear Friend with the line "On the border line".  I used to live on the border between Anaheim and Buena Park and slipped back in forth all the time with ease.  (just as some say I slip in and out of insanity with ease)  Of course it's no secret that I first got my taste for Tequila Sunrises, when I visited Hawaii in June of 1975, but that song isn't even on the album anyhow.  I think Jim Cooper referred to this album cover when he said "I guess that's the worm you find at the bottom of a bottle of tequila.  Maybe I suffer from middle child sindrone or something.  I'm one of these nuts who believes warring sides of an issue can be reconciled.