Undoing The Deed

It is said that “undoing the deed” is “one of the most dangerous practices of witchcraft”. It involves travel in the fifth dimension. Yet Jesus said that if you have the faith of a mustard seed then All Things Are Possible. I would at this time like to speculate what if I hadn’t committed the Deed of June 20^th. 1996. That appears to be the date. On this date in history I renounced Christianity. But suppose Sylvia Brown or someone appeared to me in my apartment to give me a little heads up warning. And she sought to bean eleven years of history into my brain from the renouncing of Christianity on that date through to Barry Bonds hitting his 756^th. home run in San Francisco. In those days I didn’t know what an I Pod was. If you asked me “What’s an I Pod” I might have said, “one of these little ships for one they have on Star Trek”. I would have had to guess what an MP3 player was. If you asked me what a cyber or internet predator was I would have responded, “I guess it’s some kind of new virus” If you asked me about a Google search on computer and asked me what it was I would have said, “I guess it’s a search for the world’s biggest number”. If you told me “Microsoft no longer supports Windows 98” I would have responded, “How can they? That isn’t for another two years”. If you talked about buying DVD’s I’d assume you were talking about jockey shorts. If you asked “What does it mean to be down with something”, I might have eventually come up with the right answer but it might take me a couple minutes of guessing. Of course once Sylvia Browne zapped the information into my brain I’d go into some kind of a trance like Captain Piccard in that episode about Piccard living his whole life on some forgotten planet and an alien civilization. Sylvia Brown would have to enter my brain as another thought to bring me out of it. And then slowly but surely it would dawn on me that I had only imagined those eleven years from June 1996 through August of 2007. And finally I’d carry on with life, wiser and forewarned.

Sylvia Brown would ask me to renounce my renouncing of Christianity. I would like to do that now on this August 8, 2007. I made a mistake and a bad one and showed a bad misjudgment of cosmic reality by renouncing Christianity that day. As Sylvia Brown would tell me I was formerly under a life-long Sutteran spell. This is a group I was already fermiliar from Star Trek. “They are in the Cassiopian star system”. “Oh, the Cassiopian federation?” “No, not Federation, they call themselves a System. You have the Romulan Empire, the Reigellian Federation, the Andromeda Federation, but you have the Alcyonne star System. Christianity was protecting me from Evil and to suppose that it wasn’t was extremely misguided. I renounce my ill-founded conclusional statement of that day that set my life going in an adverse manner. Sylvia continued. I know you’re thinking of that analogy of your friend, Mark Campbell said about the boat being the Church, but you seem to have forgotten that Mark said that at death we all stop being fishes and turn into men on the dry land. Remember that? The shore in his analogy was death. The trouble is, just as Dan Quayle was no Jack Kennedy, you were never a fish to begin with and the water is not your home”. Suddenly in Marcus’s mind the Queen saying “Don’t you know that you’ll be Dead before they let you” came to mind. Marcus said to Sylvia, “Less than a month before Richi Vallance underwent some sort of cosmic death on July 8^th. 1975 he recorded “The Seeker” by The Who. It was a slower, less interesting version. I like The Who’s version much better. Can you tell me anything about that?” Sylvia: “No, you’ll have to speak to your Guides about that”. “But who are my guides?” “You’ll have to speak to your guides about that, too”. “But aren’t I right about just about everything else I’ve said about Christianity? I know I was wrong that day and never should have attacked Pete Richards like that the way I did, but- - “ Sylvia Browne: “Everybody else on the Planet except you realizes that God is a good force and his intentions twords us are nothing but of good and compassion. You on the other hand have been at war with God for seemingly decades. This isn’t right. You need to repent of your whole mind set”. “I see- - “ Marcus said. “I know I wrote all that stuff about God in the spring of this year (1996) and at the time I thought if I would undo the past five years I’d be doing fine.” Sylvia Browne “You can’t undo the past. But now you’ve seen eleven years into the future and you have that rare opportunity few people have been afforded to mend your ways before dire consequences manifest themselves”.

The Deed

This is June 20th. and according to one news report, summer begins sometime today. Someone else said "Saturday". And there is always the traditional time (tomorrow). I just got done reviewing the latest VCR tape. That had almost been done anyhow. Ready for labeling now, after nearly four weeks, I would say that is long overdue. "One reason why people don't bother with doing the right thing is be- cause, invariably, doing the right thing is harder, and your Son is finding this out now". Laura Sleshenger promo today. And 95% of the time she is right. On rare occasions and they are rare, doing the Right thing is act-ually a lot easyer when you are so cowed and bullied into the "Diefication of the Lie", which the Catholic Church,The Great Pervericator ,[Pastor Asshole], and a smattering of others- are guilty of. In this case- - doing the genuinely right thing can be amasingly un-burdening to one's soul. (Selah)

I have not ventured to say whether or not Comitting Suicide can be "unburdening" to one's soul. Look at all the child incest victums and the mothers who keep silent for motives I cannot begin to fathom.

I have not ventured outside the gates today. This is late morning and I am about ready to at this point. On this June 20th.

Last night I had another of these phone conversations with [Pete Richards] that was shall we say less than satisfying. He says his vacation was moved up so that "I" have less time to plan a recreational outing. The question is why he did not use the word "we". It's kind of like Bones the cat in late l984. Suddenly it became "my" cat rather than "our" cat. Like [Pete Richards], if left to his own devices would not want to go to any amusement park at all. This is the implication. Kind of like it is a "sacrifice". It's kind of a mind game. He offers to me to spend a day together- it was not my idea, and then now lays this "time is running out" routine. Then after saying that Wednesday was the only available day, Judy his protective wife, anounces that since they have marital counseling meetings Wednesday nights, would be unsuitable for Amusement Park outings. And Thursday he has plans and Friday

he is "cleaning the house" anounced as if Carved In Stone. Increasingly, I am beginning to feel like that basketball comertial with the five hundred foot court and "from then on- - Scoring was a snap- - - untill they instal- ed the movable baskets." Only this case, it seems as if [Pete Richards] is saying- - "better take a shot before the basket starts moving even faster". I think there are two days that are still "available". Untill he comes up with his next "revision". You may say "[Marcus], you should be honored because he is giving you the power to plan the day". I might harken you back to Newyears Eve l994. The one before l995 for you people in Rio Linda. This was the year I was offered to do "anything I wanted" yet we managed to eat where [Pete Richards] wanted and I was about cut out of the "conversation" entirely. Not to men-tion that I was sick and given a true choice would not have gone at all. Like Newyears of l987 I remember i was grateful to [Henry][at the Bosc house] that night for fix- ing a nice dinner- - potroast with vegetables, as I recall. I remember feel- like I just wanted to "mellow out" for the evening, but felt this Pressure NOT to do that. Of eight birthdays between 1980 and 1987 [in the BOSC house era], not a one of those eight was I home at midnight. So we went out to [Jim Cooper]'s. And I remember there was a fire in the fireplace that "stank" had this grotesque odor. The room was otherwise rather dimly lit. (this recalls a previous negative event) I was coming down with a cold this night. And by midnight [it had me in its] power sneasing and running for tishues, would have gone home. But instead later around l:30 I dare day, I had birthday cake shoved down my throat. Sweets were the last thing I needed. This is not a new story but I believe it makes the point.

Rush Limbaugh is almost defending Bill Clinton in saying that- - - "I know what I said before but- - " because he is among the five percent of those "Rich" who have gotten richer in the past few years. And back in the days of the Reagen adminestration, it is now admitted the rich were not get- ting rich at as fast a rate as they are now, believe it or not. And so the logical inference is that the tax hike did not HURT the Rich. In spite of the hike, these people are prospering more than ever, it seems. It would be almost to invite a seccond tax increase for the rich. Rush did a "[Pete Richards]". Rather than say "I screwed up; I was completely wrong what would happen" he comes up with this mianderingly conveluted spiel.

This is not the first time. Back in l992 or so Rush made this bet that by the start of l995, the economy would be in the toilet and inflation would be up and unemployment up and Clinton falling in the polls. And he was so persistent in this "proposed Bet with the Democrats" I wrote letters on his bahalf to various people goading they they were Cowards if they did not take Rush up on his challenge. But we know now Rush washed out almost completely. For a man who prides himself on his "ninty eight percent acc- urecy" and who claims to "highlight his errors because they are so rare" we have not heard Boo from him on this subject. No sirree!

One topic I don't believe I have ever brought up on computer (and you are free to do a directories wide word search in this DOS format) and that is Mothers Day l994. First of all, to generalize, one might say that my self-esteem went down more sharply from early May l993 to late May l994 than about any other time imaginable. Talk about record drops. The gradient here is staggering. But Mothers Day l994 was when we were at Red Robin and I made that remark about "God being the one responsable for all the stuff that has occurred in my life". It was one line but it started a reaction akin to anouncement of a major forest fire. The fire bragade formed and lines like "Oh- [Marcus] is off his nut, what shall we do" ect. The insan- ity of this day has not diminished with time and I relate the detales on tape. Just a few remarks here. This is where [the Great Pervericator] related certain "senta-ments" of Pastor [-] [Pastor Asshole] about me, that he had never expressed to me directly, and one wonders how such detale could have been either conveyed or even remembered from, supposidly, just one phone conversation between them some two years before. This is the same gathering where I tried to find out what [Pete Richards] and Judy still even believed about Christianity. As you know at the resturant they had - - all of them- - been going out of their way to trash [Mike Bowman] and his theology. Implying that it was somehow contrary to leading a "reality based" life. At the time Pastor Mike and I were on better terms than we are now. It's almost as if they were trying to annoy me. Later on, at the house, I wanted to, like I say, find out what they believed and when we "compared notes" [Pete Richards] said everything I had been "taught" when I first got "saved" (these two words are in quotes in that both have somewhat altared definitions from normal speech) was now obsolete and "a thing of the past", like that parody interview with Ronald Reagen and Walter Cronkite. But instead of admitting perhaps some of my "doubts" of the era (this word, too, in Bovine theology has a somewhat altered meaning) were, shall we say, more well founded than some would think, but rather than admit this and say "[Marcus], I was screwed up and I screwed you up" instead makes it MY fault for not on my own realizing that- as Judy so aptly put it "Well- - that was then and this is now" what a brilliant mind. Judy made remarks such as "You are walling yourself away from those people like theropists who can help you by saying it's impossable" and this is when I heard all this stuff about "What Pastor [Pastor Asshole] really thinks about you, but was afraid to say to your face". I get the feeling sometime that conversations are almost "pre-scripted" in advance. Like last night I ran into "The Traveler" as the ZAC coins the term. I am accused of just about everything including raping the President's daughter, and when I try and defend myself with the facts, and greeted with - - this whole routine I dont know what you call it "[Marcus]- - why resort to using Facts, I mean if you were really a cool dude like youre supposed to be you would not be such a snivveling - - - (something) to resort to Facts!"

We are going to make it under the noon wire. This final observation is pretty rudimentry but I'll mention it. If you have a pebble in your tennis shoe and are running the 40 metre marithon, what do you do? If you have any sense the solution is ovious. You stop for a moment and take the offending rock out of your shoe and continue. Once you have done this you no longer continue to feel the jabbing disconfort but are free to go on your way like it never occurred. In the same way if you have some religious question about Christianity or what have you then if you face your doubt and get the matter resolved you can go on your way and the issue is from then on forever a dead one. It need never be brought up again, for the mat ter has been resolved. But if the question is not answered it will be as a pebble in that tennis shoe while you are endeavoring to run the marithon. And it will continue to be an impediment to you and slow you down, as the pain continues to grow, and believe me it does, your speed will continue to "attenuate". (Slow Down, for you people in Rio Linda, California) Because the rock rubs a spot that continues to get sorer and sorer so that virtually every step of your foot, in time, causes excrutiating pain. And so if you in time decide to abandon the Faith, it is kind of like "getting off of the boat" you have been rowing on. People like [-] [Pastor Asshole] are going around drilling holes in the bottom of your boat, and you are desperately trying to plug those leaks and BH is just getting his rocks off observing your frensiac "remedial" activities. The saying bears repeating that all of the crap I took from Christians, and particularly [Pastor Asshole], I took out of love for God, or what I thought in my mind was God. If you have doubts about the reserection or origional sin, these are not minor ones. Chuck Swendoll made the statement that today in seminary 54% of the students doubt the reserection of Jesus of Nazereth, and the figures get worse for other doc- trines such as transubstantiation, the seccond coming & the after life. And I say again that once any important question is Resolved, it never need be brought up again. And this is true in personal relations. Your "love for the other" makes you want to strive for a "successful resolution of the re- lationship, so important to you. But if you were not persuing a Faith and a persuit of God, then all of this would be pointless. After you have the courage (despite David Korish' threats of eternal damnation) step off of the boad and on to the more solid pier, then you can relax and watch the others in the boat in their hateful spite attacking one another and endangering one another there in the water, in the sinking boat. You can have pitty on them and even share a curiousity of certain religions Questions, but now, lunike before, you are not deiven to have said Questions answered. And you are no longer to suckle at the shit infested teat of [-] [Pastor Asshole], or what- ever animalistic Bitch figure he would assume in this analogy. The whole thing is- - - I, [Marcus], have "stepped off the boat".

Epilogue

Things started to unwravle slowly at first, and then more rapidly. Dianne and Zack announced they were moving out of the apartment complex on July first. Who’s to say whether they had ANY intension of moving out on June 20^th. The next thing is that Rush Limbaugh quit his TV program and seemed to give up entirely on the idea of Bob Dole becoming president. If Dole had served two terms he would still be alive and kicking when 2005 rolled around. I did my last snail mail letter in September of 1996, which is something I’d been doing for 21 years. I developed that tendenitus or something that made my tendins feel like they were shrinking and I had great pain in my left arm and neck and shoulder and back. Of course Bill Clinton was re elected president. People said once the election was over Ken Starr would really crank up the heat and tighten the vise investigating him. This turned out not to happen. I began getting all that “Doctor stuff” in the mail. There were two major gatherings I was invited to almost accidently and I showed up to both without a gift and felt very out of place. That whole hail-bop comet thing and the Applewhite cult suicide occurred. Ken, my neighbor for nine years suddenly died of a heart attack. I noticed I had a serious drinking problem and my first “attempt to stop” was in late July early August of 1997. A new female neighbor moved in and at that exact moment I developed shingles. In the early fall of 1997 I seemed to develop one illness after another. On Halloween I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and this became a lingering problem. In early 1999 I was diagnosed as an alcoholic and my brother was sucked into the affairs of my life. Parents stopped holding holiday gathering dinners at their house after 1999. I went to that Fullerton Mental Health Clinic for alcaholisum, and found out I also had Hepatitus B. I got put on zyprexa late in 1999 and it slowed my metabalism and my creativity, and caused me to gain weight. I got that Therapist, Eileen in the middle months of 2000 and saw her at least sixteen times. She in a way reminds me of Sylvia Browne except she’s even more morbidly obeist and she doesn’t have red hair. Things could only go down hill from there- - and I developed digestive problems and problems with my nerves- - - and eventually I ended up here.